Déjame tranquilo

"Never any lover is perfect. Nor has the adequate smile. Not always says the sweet word. Sometimes, doesn't even know how to make love. But the magic of the moment plays its blues very well. There are days when I crumble like the shadow of a ruined widow. I live the danger of bitting my gums, of remembering that I am just badly wounded. And you know? How I desire a cigarette that burns in ten years, to drink my life in little sips as if it was a cuba. And I come back to you who has seen me with the the rheuma of those nights. Don't pay to know how your puberty went away with those bluses, at the end you are always going to hate them. Don't follow me, don't tempt me, don't ask me to undress you. No."

One?

Flavored kisses becoming an illusion.
Open your eyes lady a month has gone by.
Let your lips float and become the conclusion
dreaming of the omnipresent fight, we cry.

You fly. He stands on your heart feeling ill.
The conversation with his soul's about you.
We turn the page of our time and we are still
remembering, trying to forget the blue.

We stand tall and strong, reliving the night
when the miracle happened; when he met you.
We count time like no one, I think of the "might".
You revolve, volutes, our love in debut.

The ball rolls. The rocks don't. Here comes the sunset
of what happened before and cannot be no more.
Here comes the sunrise. Exhale with no regret.
Three words would suffice. Just three, not anymore.

Uno?

Flavored kisses becoming an illusion.
Open your eyes lady, a month has gone by.
Let your lips float and become the conclusion.
Dreaming of the omnipresent fight, we cry.

You fly. He dwells in your sweet heart feeling ill.
The conversation with his soul's about you.
We turn the page of our time and we are still
remembering, trying to forget the blue.

We stand tall and strong, reliving the night
when the miracle happened; when he met you.
We count time like no one, we think of the "might".
You revolve, volutes, our care in debut.

The ball rolls. The rocks don't. Here comes the sunset
of what happened before and can't be no more.
Here comes the sunrise. Exhale with no regret.
Three words would suffice. Just three, not anymore.

I write

"You know you're gold, you don't gotta worry none"

Two insomniac nights fueled by a trip. I speak on the phone; sin saber de que hablar más que de trivialidades. I listen to music; sin saber en que más pensar sino en la que está lejos. Zebra. Beach House. Repeat. Zebra. Beach House. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

And I see the morning sun hoping that my words will be enough to keep me going, to give my spirit the on-going calm I want. Then, I shut my blinds and the sun gets muffled, asilenciado, como la leyenda esa que me contaron de niño y que al dormir desaparecía. Por supuesto que daba miedo; por supuesto. How to forget it? Forgetting it was out of the question. Sin embargo, al día siguiente, me desperté agradecido y contento de saber lo que había escuchado. No había nada por lo que temblar. They were words and they were my thoughts.

I did not go to the gym today. I did not. I just called hoping the phone would get picked up in a far away place. I called hoping to hear a familiar voice. My two wishes came true. We talked and my soul now feels calmer. Siento que Morfeo me habla y me dejaré llevar por él hacía la tierra de los sueños en la que, quizá, le vea. A true dream.

24

The first 24 took almost a week to be accomplished.

The first 24 came in a bubble package coated with cane sugar and soft words and delivered over 4 non-consecutive days.

Viejos recuerdos de lo que siempre habías querido que hubiera sido. El bienestar que se siente al encontrar algo nuevo con el malestar de la misma incertidumbre de siempre. Te das vuelta y le ves, se ven, les ven. Se da vuelta y le ves, te ves, les ven.

You write words but read intentions.
You smile but see conception.
You laugh but remember deceptions.
You say I'll do it but anticipate narration.

You are happy.

Happiness

Some one told me that happiness is something you choose.

I chose to walk today under the sun.
I chose to ask questions and get answers.
I chose to give up at the right time.
I chose to bend my hands when needed to.
I chose to listen to sad music that makes me happy.
I chose choosing the right arms.
I chose letting it go.
I chose to say something.
I chose to chose.

At the end, I am surprised. The validity of this argument needs yet to be proven but I can say for sure that today I felt and feel better than in these past couple of weeks.

Encontrandote

"I'm sick and tired of the way that i feel,
I'm always dreaming and it's never for real.
I'm all alone with my deep thoughts.
I'm all alone with my heartache and my good intentions.

I work to eat and drink and sleep just to live,
feels like I'm never getting back what I give.
I've got a sad song in my sweet heart.
and all I really ever need is some love and attention"

El sentimiento de estar perdido es abasallador y desgarrador.

Caminas por las calles solas sólo con tu soledad. Respiras el aire helado de la incertidumbre. Buscas señales que te indiquen el rumbo. Aces el suelo a tus pies con la certidumbre de que solamente eso es lo que te pertenece en ese instante; das un paso más y repites lo anterior. De vez en vez encuentras cosas conocidas, el nombre de una calle, una palabra familiar, una sonrisa de años y piensas por 3 segundos que sabes donde estás que sabes a donde hay que ir. Reexaminas las pistas y te vuelves a encontrar en donde estabas anteriormente, en la confusa soledad. Te das cuenta, en ese entonces, que una calle, una palabra o una sonrisa no bastan. Ni siquiera todas ellas en combinación pueden mostrarte el camino. Llegas a la conclusión de que sólo te tienes a ti para encontrar tu destino.

Te vi

Te vi congelada en un beso somnoliento, discirniendo si era yo a quien deberías de amar (si no para siempre, sí por éste momento). Ahora, con la voz que lo sabe y lo ve todo te digo: "sí, soy yo a quien debes de amar" (si no para siempre, sí por éste momento)".

Me das un beso loco y luego un beso desconocido. No lo entiendo; me enloquece.

Baby

Baby, I can see you through our window, (Baby, I can see you through my window)
while you pour a glass of vino (while you feel the disappointment)
and light up a cigarette (and swallow up, whole, your pride).

Baby, could you tell me what's hurting? (Baby, would you tell why you are coming)
Why you drink in this mourning morning? (Why you tombstone is not important?)
Was it me or was it him? (Was it you? Was it the rain?)

A sardonic vision of your future, (A promising vision of your next one)
made me love you even more. (made me hate you even more more)
You didn't know you were fucked up (I didn't know I was fucked up)
But I knew it all along. (But we knew it all)

Now you see the butterflies (Can you see now? Your heart flies.)
and finally believe in them. (He, finally, believes in it.)

Would you believe in human kind?
It'll put an end to your tears.

Penélope

I wake up at dawn, dreaming I don't know what.
I have breakfast with rain and I remember you over coffee.
I dreamt your figure far away,
waiting in the suburbs of oblivion
and I saw me setting sail on golden ships
that I had filled with presents for you
and then I saw that because of jealousy the sea of my torments,
swallowed the ship and that crazy one who was me.
And everything shipwrecked.

How far you are, how far I am.
The debris of my life slide with the rain
forgetting Penelope.

I abandon my self to the waves, they spit me out of the sea.
Years have gone by, no one knows where you are.
The deserted streets at night
and your face is drawn in my memory.
The trees hug themselves
like skeleton woods in the rain
my dream shipwrecked.

How far you are, how far I am.
It rains mint tears and I get drunk with sorrow
forgetting Penelope.
How far you are, how far I am.
The debris of my life slide with the rain.
forgetting Penelope.
I refuge in taverns and become taciturn
Forgetting Penelope.
How far you are, how far I am
what is left of my life I spend it in the hovels
remembering Penelope.

Me despierto en el alba soñando no sé qué
desayuno con lluvia y te recuerdo en el café.

Soñé tu figura lejos, esperando en los suburbios del olvido (Penélope)
y me vi solo, zarpando en barcos de oro que llené con regalos para tí
y luego vi que por celos el mar de mis tormentos. Se tragaba el barco,
el tesoro y aquel loco que era yo y todo naufragó.

Que lejos tú, que lejos yo,
los escombros de mi vida se deslizan con la lluvia
recordando a Penélope.

Me abandono a las olas, me escupen del mar.
han pasado los años, nadie sabe en dónde estas.
Las calles desiertas por las noches
y tu cara se dibuja en mi memoria
los árboles, se abrazan, como bosques de esqueletos
en la lluvia, y mi sueño naufragó.

Qué lejos tú, qué lejos yo.
Llueven lagrimas de menta y me emborracho de amargura
olvidando a Penelópe.
Qué lejos tú, qué lejos yo.
Los escombros de mi vida se deslizan por la lluvia
olvidando a Penelópe.
Me refugio en las tabernas y me vuelvo taciturno
olvidando a Penelópe.
Qué lejos tú, qué lejos yo
lo que queda de mi vida lo malgasto en los tugurios
recordando a Penelópe.